Season Finale

Alright Gang. Thats the end of Season 1 of Lord Elevation's Throne.

You'll be hearing from me again.

There may be a God

Hello Elevation Nation. Time for a little political knowledge that you can use to show off to all your stupid friends at work or school.

It sounds like Billary Clinton has been having a rough little go of it lately on the campaign trail.
Her poll lead over Barack Obama has slipped a little after her Brian Billickesque debate performance around Halloween where she managed to go the whole debate without giving a solid answer to anything. I guess "Unclear" is the new "lockbox".

Another dent in Hillary's armor could be coming from this story that the morons who actually go to her townhall meetings are actually just asking questions staffers came up with for them:

We'll jump in mid-flight with this NY Times article:

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"At two campaign events in Iowa this year, aides to Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton encouraged audience members to ask her specific questions, a tactic that drew criticism from an opponent for the Democratic presidential nomination and led her yesterday to promise that it would not happen again."

"The practice came to light late last week when a student at Grinnell College in Iowa, Muriel Gallo-Chasanoff, told her campus newspaper that a Clinton aide had asked her to pose a question to Mrs. Clinton about global warming.

The request came during an event Tuesday in Newton, Iowa, where Mrs. Clinton outlined her plan to create five million jobs in renewable energy sectors.

In a question-and-answer session with the audience, Mrs. Clinton called on several people with raised hands; some of them asked friendly questions about policy, and one man pressed her on trade issues.

At one point Mrs. Clinton called on Ms. Gallo-Chasanoff, who asked for the senator’s ideas for combating global warming.

Ms. Gallo-Chasanoff did not return phone messages over the weekend seeking comment. But the Grinnell College newspaper reported her as saying that the Clinton aide told her the campaign wanted a question from a college student, and that campaign staff members had prompted Mrs. Clinton to call on him."

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Busted! For full disclosure, I think its important for Throne readers to know that the crazy guy who insults me after every post is actually planted there by my staff.

I promise you that production on the Throne, all though it has been lacking in recent days is not suffering because of the writer's strike. The horrible quality in the Throne has been a result of a labor strike by my brain.

RIP Steve McNair 2006-2007

I know we have some Baltimore readers out there, so this ones for you. (Stalker feel free to chime in also)

Well folks, it looks like Steve McNair's career as a Ravens will be coming to and end soon. In his last two games. Big Steven is 30 for 48 with 191 yards and no TDs in the last two games. Hos average passes are shorter then this column.

It looks like the Circle of Life has come around and former Baltimore whipping boy Kyle Boller will be back in at QB.

Three years ago Boller was being modeled into effigies, and now he is supposed to be the savior.

Boller being asked to save the Ravens is the equivalent of OJ Simpson being elected sheriff in Los Angeles.

I can't wait to hear Billick try and spin this one. He went to the "Mike Flanagan School for Giving Bullshit Answers to the Media." My God, he gives more nonsense answers to interviews then Ultimate Warrior.

Q. So, Brian, whats your gameplan for next game?

A. "How must I prepare you must ask yourself. Should I jump off the tallest building in the world? Should I lay on the lawn and let it run over me with lawnmowers? Should I go to Africa and let it trample me with raging elephants?"

Thanks Ultimate Billick!

Its rainin' but there ain't a cloud in the sky,musta been a tear from your eye

Hello Elevation Nation. I hope your weekend is progressing well. 

I know that other then the anonymous stalkers out there, we have quite a few sane people who read this blog. And among the group of sane people there are quite a few Yankee fans out there.

This ones for you:

(Warning for explicit content. Make sure all fire arms in the house are set to safety)

From MSNBC:

NEW YORK - Roger Clemens apparently isn€™t ready to move into that office at Minute Maid Park just yet.

Clemens, if healthy, would consider pitching for Team USA during the 2008 Summer Olympics in Beijing, China, according to a report on MLB.com.

The 45-year-old righthander considered the prospect of pitching in the Olympics when he first retired from the New York Yankees after the 2003 World Series, but Team USA was eliminated that fall by Mexico in the qualifying round, and it was not represented in the 2004 Summer Olympics in Athens, Greece.

This time around, the U.S. has already qualified.

“I think, if things fell into place and he felt good, he would be interested,” agent Randy Hendricks told MLB.com. He loves the idea of representing his country.

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Oh Boy. Usually after the Olympics, the Cuban baseball players try to hitch rides back into the US to escape Cuba. I have a feeling this time the American baseball players are going to be hitching rides to Cuba to escape from Roger Clemens.

This just in from Suzy Waldman:

"ROGER CLEMENS IS IN GEORGE'S BOX AND ROGER CLEMENS IS COMIN' BACK. OH MY GOOD--GOODNESS GRACIOUS! OF ALL THE DRAMATIC THINGS--OF ALL THE DRAMATIC THINGS I'VE EVER SEEN, ROGER CLEMENS STANDING RIGHT IN GEORGE STEINBRENNER'S BOX ANNOUNCING HE IS BACK! ROGER CLEMENS IS AN AMERICAN OLYMPIAN! AND THERE WE GO JOHN, YOU DON'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT WHO'S GOING TO TAKE THAT SPOT IN THE ROTATION. YOU SHOULD SEE WHAT'S GOING ON IN THE YANKEE DUGOUT! BIG GRIN ON JORGE POSADA'S FACE! ANDY PETITTE KNEW, BIG-SIZE ROGER CLEMENS IS NOW AN AMERICAN OLYMPIAN! ATTENTION FANS! HE IS HERE, AND NOW WE DON'T HAVE TO DISCUSS WHO TAKES THAT SPOT IN THE ROTATION."

Looks like its gonna be one of those years.

Public Service Announcement

Alright folks, its time for the announcement you have all been eagerly awaiting, the official Lord Elevation's Throne nomination for President in 2008.

After much studying of the issues, I have decided to support Congressman Tom Tancredo as my choice for President.

Now, I know Tancredo probably won't win unless Mike Gravel goes crazy and kills all the other candidates, but I feel Tancredo is the candidate who echoes my beliefs the most.

He is most well known for his beliefs concerning illegal immigration. They are a threat to America and the border needs to be closed. Congressman Tancredo believes this is the most important issue facing America today, and so do I. If you don't want to be the only English speaking person at your local hospital or WalMart, think Tancredo

He is in favor of a smaller government and lower taxes, something we're all in favor of.

Check out www.teamtancredo.org for more information.

Finally, if you don't vote for him, he is going to go Cheney on your ass, check out this video:

I guess they could start Dog the Bounty Hunter if they keep this up

(A picture of Vinny Testaverde with his brother Bob Hope)


Its an odd time to be a QB in the NFL right now. Right now its Tom Brady, Peyton Manning, Big Ben, Jon Kitna, Tony Romo, Brett Favre and 50 guys that suck.

I know the Throne has a few New York area readers, so they'll get a kick out of this next story. Apparently the Panthers are still insisting that The Statue of Vinny be their starter.

From Yahoo:
CHARLOTTE, N.C. (AP) -- Soon-to-be 44-year-old Vinny Testaverde has moved back into the lead in the pothole-filled race to be the Carolina Panthers' starting quarterback.

Testaverde returned to practice Wednesday after missing the Panthers' loss to Tennessee with a sore right Achilles' tendon. David Carr watched practice from the sideline, yet to be cleared after sustaining a concussion against the Titans.

And even tough he split time with undrafted rookie Matt Moore, and coach John Fox declined to select a starter, Testaverde sounded like the guy who will be under center on Sunday against Atlanta.

"I feel great right now. Hopefully there are no setbacks, which I don't anticipate," said Testaverde, who turns 44 next week. "I'm excited about it. I think we made the right decision in not pushing it last week."

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Why is Testaverde still playing in the NFL? When football guys hit forty, the only team they should be playing for is the Nutrisystem Team with Dan Marino and Dan Shula*.

The Throne can only hope that it'll still be performing at such a high rate for 25 years as The Statue of Vinny, although the Throne will probably need Viagra just to get out of bed in morning by that point.

Have a good time people!

Expect the Throne's 2008 Official Presidential endorsement tomorrow!

Dog the Bounty Cunter

Five wives. Eleven kids. Nineteen arrests.

Who do you think I'm talking about America? Evander Holyfield? Nope, not quite. Mitt Romney? No comment. Dog the Bounty Hunter? Ding ding ding, we have a winner Bobby.

Thats right folks, we're talking about America's cop, Dog the Bounty Hunter. Most people know him as the Jesus quoting reality television star, but it turns out there is another side to Dog. Did you know Dog went to jail for murdering a guy back in the 1970s? Thats right he served 18 months in 1977 for shooting a guy in Texas. Flash forward 30 years and the guy somehow becomes the biggest reality televison star in America. Things were going great for Dog. He had a growing TV show and a highly successful bail bond company in Hawaii. And then his inner psycho came out on a phone call with one of his 78 children:

Transcript from Reuters:
"I don't care if she's a Mexican, a whore or whatever. It's not because she's black, it's because we use the word ni**er sometimes here. I'm not gonna take a chance ever in life of losing everything I've worked for for 30 years because some fucking ni**er heard us say ni**er and turned us in to the Enquirer magazine. Our career is over! I'm not taking that chance at all! Never in life! Never! Never! If Lyssa [Dog's daughter] was dating a ni**er, we would all say 'fuck you!' And you know that. If Lyssa brought a black guy home ya da da... it's not that they're black, it's none of that. It's that we use the word ni**er. We don't mean you fucking scum ni**er without a soul. We don't mean that shit. But America would think we mean that. And we're not taking a chance on losing everything we got over a racial slur because our son goes with a girl like that. I can't do that Tucker. You can't expect Gary, Bonnie, Cecily, all them young kids to [garbled] because 'I'm in love for 7 months' - fuck that! So, I'll help you get another job but you can not work here unless you break up with her and she's out of your life. I can't handle that shit. I got 'em in the parking lot trying to record us. I got that girl saying she's gonna wear a recorder..."

Yikes. Sounds like Dog may be off television for a little while. I was going to say forever, but people like Imus were able to find work again.

This conversation sounds like something "Anonymous" would have with one of alternate personalities.

"What'cha gonna do, What'cha gonna do brother when Patriotmania runs wild on you?"

Well, brother welcome to the Throne. You're probably wondering why I couldn't come up with a better quote to describe the Patriots then something from Hulk Hogan. Thats a pretty valid point. We'll examine the Throne's lack of relevant cultural knowledge another time, but thats for another night.

Right now its time for our contractual mandated gloating of the Patriots. They played a tremendous game yesterday. Coming back from ten down in Indy, against the Super Bowl champs ain't an easy thing. Tom Brady may be the greatest player in the history of the World.
I think the media was expecting Bill Belichick to start wandering the streets of Boston like Ron Burgundy after the "Spygate" incident. Turns out he was able to take all the residual hate from that incident and bottle it up in syringes for his team.

These guys are almost as unstoppable as Adrian Petersen. I'm pretty sure someone on the Chargers made a "Your mother" joke that just completely set him off.

At one point, I was expecting Alex Rodriguez to run out onto the field and tackle Adrian just to get the spotlight back on himself.

One last thing, were my ears deceiving me, or did John Madden honestly compare Marion Barber III to Walter Payton during the Sunday Night game? Apparently Turducken now comes in an alcoholic drink form.

Alright good people, until next time. Just so you know, the Throne will not be effected by the upcoming Hollywood writers strike. Although the guy who runs this site is a cheap asshole. Oh wait, thats me. Damn.

All he really wants is an Olsen twin

Well folks, looks like its going to be a long winter of non stop A-Rod. I can't wait to wake up every morning, turn on ESPN and hear non stop reports from people like Peter Gammons and Ken Rosenthal updating us every five minutes. Me thinks Tim Kurkjian's trousers get a little tighter every time he gets to talk about Alex.

The story below comes from MSNBC and ESPN. Sounds like PayRod needs a cash boost to pay off all his "nurses".
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MSNBC News Services

updated 1 hour, 21 minutes ago

Alex Rodriguez would not meet with the New York Yankees unless they offered him a $350 million contract not to opt out, ESPN reported Friday, citing sources.

ESPN said the Yankees wanted to meet with the third baseman this week, but Rodriguez chose to opt out of the final year of his contract during the Boston Red Sox's World Series-clinching victory over the Colorado Rockies on Sunday.

The Yankees would have offered Rodriguez a five-year extension worth $150 million, beginning in 2010. Thus, the deal would have paid him $230 million over eight years, the highest contract in baseball history.

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Its going to be a long, Yankee filled off-season. Torre already signed with the Dodgers. Christ, if he remembers anything about managing in the NL. The Dodgers just want to sign everyone they can from the AL East.

I hear two football teams play this weekend, but I'm not really sure who. Has anyone heard anything about it?

Theres only one November

He would've beaten Kucinich!

The Throne is sad to report some horrible news from South Carolina this evening.

This from ABC:


"ABC News' Jake Tapper Reports: The presidential candidacy of comedian Stephen Colbert seemed to come to a screeching halt Thursday afternoon. The comedian's application to be on the South Carolina Democratic primary ballot was rejected and he did not apply to appear on the state GOP primary ballot -- with its $35,000 filing fee

Colbert, who was raised on James Island in Charleston, S.C., filed his application with the Democrats and paid the $2,500 filing fee before the noon deadline. But the South Carolina Democratic Party executive council met and after 30-45 minutes of debate and discussion decided to reject his application. His check will be refunded."


Thats a great way for SC Democrats to endear themselves to young voters. They won't accept Colbert, who actually has a national following, but will accept the midget who sees aliens.

At least Colbert would've added a little flavor to the constant debates, where people who are natural windbags act like they're normal.

Its a sad night for America.

This is our country.