LiveWrong

Well folks, here is a Halloween story made to send chills down your spines. The Throne found this little gem originally on Perez Hilton, the actual text of this report comes from Fox News:

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"Full House" star Ashley Olsen has found love with Tour de France champion Lance Armstrong, the New York Post's Page Six reports. Olsen, 21, was seen Monday night canoodling with the 36-year-old retired cyclist at New York's Gramercy Park Hotel, a source told the paper.

"They came together with a group of friends," the source said. "Ashley drank red wine, sat on his lap and they were making out all night. They left together around 2 a.m."

Armstrong, the seven-time Tour de France winner, broke up with fashion designer Tory Burch earlier this month. He was engaged to singer Sheryl Crow and has three children from his first marriage.

Olsen, along with her twin sister, Mary-Kate, owns Dualstar Entertainment Group. She's been romantically linked to a Columbia University quarterback and actor Jared Leto.

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Wow. Talk about weird. Hasn't cycling been through enough? After we hear enough about this story, the Tour de France is going to miss the drug abuse days.

If, Lord Elevation had 15 minutes to come up with an odder couple, I'm not sure I could do it. Maybe something involving Tyra Banks and Bud Selig, but even then Ashley and Lance have them beat. No word if she was seen leaving with his yellow jersey.

I expect this will propel Bob Saget's standup career another five years.

Time to cross the finish line on this entry.

Is there anybody alive out there?

Happy Halloween to all the readers out there in Elevation Nation.

Today's story has a Halloween touch to it. Its part creepy, part fantasy, and part Democrat.

From our bros at CNN:

PHILADELPHIA (CNN) — So if there are space aliens, can they register to vote?

Perhaps Democratic presidential candidate Dennis Kucinich is courting their support, discussing a UFO sighting in Tuesday night’s debate.

He confirmed an account in actress Shirley MacLaine’s book that he saw a UFO at her home in Washington state. Though he didn’t address the rest of her description, that the Ohio congressman “felt a connection in his heart and heard directions in his mind.”

Kucinich said to moderator Tim Russert’s question, “It was an unidentified flying object, OK? It's, like, it's unidentified. I saw something.”

jubjub

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I'm fairly convinced that Dennis Kucinich is really alien. Abduction is the only way he could've gotten a smokin' wife like that.

I don't know about you, but I'm starting to feel like Charlton Heston in "The Omega Man". The last man on Earth who isn't a bandwagon Red Sox fan. Its getting there.

Have fun trick or treating kids. Be sure to avoid Albert Belle's house or Stephen Jackson's house, or Isiah Thomas' house or Stephon Marbury's Escalade.

I already forgot who won the World Series.

As a reminder to my loyal readers and loyal stalker, the Red Sox were the team that won the World Series the other day.

However, the media seems to have forgotten this, as we are currently being bombarded on SportsCenter and other shows with either : Joe Torre to the Dodgers, the Patriots running up score against the Redskins, as well as Jesus Girardi coming in to "save" the Yankees.

I'm going to miss the baseball season. No more annoying Frank TV promos, no more Dane Cook "Theres only one October" commercials. No more hearing Joe Buck embarrass himself by taking a bet from Conan and saying "JubJub" during a nationally televised World Series game.

We only have one thing left. And thats John Mellencamp. We'll still hear "Our Country" performed during every single football game for the rest of our natural lives.

jubjub

The media's obsession with the Yankees and Patriots is almost reaching a John Madden/ Brett Favre level. I'm expecting Mike Vrabel to replace Ronan Tynan as the guy who sings "God Bless America" at Yankee games.

Alright folks for one final time. "Theres only one LordEltober."

Hide the kids and women, its time for another NBA season.

The leaves are starting to fall and that clod wind is startin' to blow in. That means its time for the 2007-2008 NBA season to begin.

Women in New York City beware. If you see a creepy man with the same name of a prophet looking at you, just run. Just make sure you don't run to the backseat of Stephon Marbury's Escalade.

The Throne would also like to unveil the Knicks' 2007 team slogan, as provided by the aforementioned Mr. Marbury: "I didn't call her a black bitch. I called her a bitch." Yes, that little gem came out of the Zeke trial. Great offseason for that crew.

My 2nd favorite off-season season story from the Law and Order :Special NBA Unit was the captaincy of the NBA's most prolific perp, Stephen Jackson. This portion of an article comes from ESPN:

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Jackson will start the season with a seven-game suspension from NBA commissioner David Stern. Jackson pleaded guilty in June to a felony count of criminal recklessness stemming from an incident in which he fired a gun outside an Indianapolis strip club during training camp in October 2006. He was also sentenced to 100 hours of community service and fined $5,000.

Jackson, who has been known to argue with officials and was ejected from two playoff games last season, has a past that includes being part of the infamous brawl at the Palace at Auburn Hills in November 2004. Jackson was suspended 30 games for his involvement. After a playoff game last season where Jackson vociferously complained openly about the referees, the newly appointed captain drew a fine from Nelson. But Nelson said he respects Jackson for his passion and energy. Jackson, who is sporting a new tattoo, says the ink references his past while looking to his future. The image shows two praying hands in front of a church window holding a gun.

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Thats just a great move by Golden State. Way to send a message! No wonder the NBA has image problems. Whats next, OJ Simpson being named the national spokesman of the United Way?

Alright folks, enjoy the seaon. My championship pick Spurs over Nets.


Theres only one Stephen JacktOber.

A pretty good night for Sox Nation, a great night for Elevation Nation!

The Throne would like to congratulate the Red Sox on winning their 2nd in World Series in four years. Thats quite an achievement. They really took it to the Rockies. The Curse of Kevin Millar is finally removed.

Mike Lowell was the MVP, Papelbon and Okajima pitched great blah blah blah.

Time to get to the best part of that telecast. The full length video for Bruce Springsteen's "Radio Nowhere" + a part of U2's "Walk On" played during the closing credits!

Man, fuck the series finale of M*A*S*H, that five minute period in itself was the greatest moment in the history of television.

I'm not going to be able to sleep all night now!

Time to rejoice with a couple music videos; click to play:

I think its time that you know who I really work for

Hello everybody. We'll get back to sports on Monday, but I thought it would be a good time to get our International on.

The following comes from our great friends at the Washington Post, as well as our spiritual brothers as MSNBC:
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MOSCOW - After ignoring the Internet for years to focus on controlling traditional media such as television and newspapers, the Kremlin and its allies are turning their attention to cyberspace, which remains a haven for critical reporting and vibrant discussion in Russia's dwindling public sphere.

Allies of President Vladimir Putin are creating pro-government news and pop culture Web sites while purchasing some established online outlets known for independent journalism. They are nurturing a network of friendly bloggers ready to disseminate propaganda on command. And there is talk of creating a new Russian computer network -- one that would be separate from the Internet at large and, potentially, much easier for the authorities to control.

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The more things change in Russia, the more they stay the same, I guess. Its a beautiful nation deserves the freedoms of press and free speech that we have.

Although the Throne doesn't share Putin's views on censorship, we do s enjoy his wearing a fishing outfit that looks like something from a homo erotic LL Bean catalog. This could be why he hates the internet.

Theres only one government mandated October.

I got 99 problems but this witch ain't one

Friday, October 26th will stand as a low moment in American history.

On that day Hillary Clinton turned sixty. She celebrated the occasion by having a 1.5 million dollar fund-raising gala thrown in her honor.

She also used the occasion as a pedal- stool to throw a jab at fellow Presidential candidate and sports traitor Rudy Giuliani:

“I have been a fan — and I remain a fan — of the Yankees, no changes, no looking to curry favor with anybody else.”
(Courtesy EON, I feel sorry for those poor bastards who had to cover this thing)


Really Hillary? I'll let the pictures speak louder then the words on this one.





You decide America. I know the 1.5 mill was nice, but the only thing Hillary really wanted for her birthday was a free taco at Taco Bell from 2-5 PM, October 30th at all participating Taco Bells.

Theres only one Our Country.

A great night for Sox Nation, an even better one for Catholic Nation

What a time to be a Boston fan right now. Sox up 2-0 in the World Series, BC is #2 in the BCS and had a signature win at Va. Tech tonight, things are looking up for the Celtics with KG and Ray Allen in town, The Patriots 7-0 and looking like they'll go undefeated, and most of importantly of all, no Kennedys are in prison!

Boston College traveled to Blacksburg and beat Virginia Tech at home on a game winning TD pass from Matt Ryan with eleven seconds left to spare. The Jesuits were just praying that BC would cover the spread. The win was an added bonus. Final score 14-10. Ryan has moxie. He'll be top 3 in the Heisman voting. I love watching him play.

The other big Boston game of the night was the Red Sox continued dominance of the over-matched Rockies. The Cheaper Cultural Icon and the Dancing Closer make an unstoppable back of the bullpen duo.

But, as it tends to happen with every FOX baseball broadcast, there is something that is driving me Pacman Joneslike crazy. Just in case you didn't know, the members of Boston's bullpen enjoy playing percussion instruments during the game. To reinforce this point the morons at FOX insist on showing us every single inning! We get it by now!!!! The guys in the Red Sox bullpen like to make noises in rhythm! I'm glad Eric Gagne is finally good at something.

The sad part about all of it is that the guys clapping in rhythm are actually more entertaining and informative then McCarver and Buck combined.

At this rate Mitt Romney may be President for a long, long time. Don't be surprised of Obama announces that he is also cousins with Wes Welker and Kevin Youkillis.


Theres only one BOStober.

Enjoy this video of the song "Shipping up to Boston" from the Dropkick Murphys! (Keep scrolling down)

Maybe he wants to be OJ's cellmate?

(Picture of Bonds from before the Chernobyl disaster)


Happy Thursday folks. The Throne was going to write a review of last night's Game 1 of the World Series, however everything I could possibly write about the Rockies was already covered in Saw IV.

So, while going through the news of the day I came upon this report from MSNBC and the San Fransisco Chronicle:

Marichal says Bonds won't play again
Hall of Famer Juan Marichal, the former San Francisco Giants pitcher, thinks Barry Bonds is going to retire, instead of landing on another team for the 2008 season. "I doubt it," Marichal told the San Francisco Chronicle. "I think he's ready to retire." Marichal said Bonds would have a hard time adjusting in a new locale. (San Francisco Chronicle)


Now, I'm not really sure why Marichal and Bonds were hanging out together, unless there was a meeting of the International Asshole Convention last night, but that must not be true because Joe Buck was still announcing Game 1 of the World Series. Who knows? Maybe they were at the spa together or something.

But, on to the story: The Throne isn't really sure how to react to this news. Bonds was either the greatest baseball player of the greatest fraud in history. Maybe a little of both. He'll be missed in San Fran and Pittsburgh, but probably nowhere else.

My only advice to readers is to sell all stocks they have in pharmaceutical companies ASAP.

There is only one Lord Elevation's throne. Enjoy ELtober.

Well, at least he didn't become a Red Sox fan!

Well folks, it looks like the Juice is being squeezed again. The following report comes courtesy of our close buds at the Associated Press:

"LAS VEGAS -- New charges of felony coercion were filed Wednesday against O.J. Simpson and three co-defendants in the alleged armed robbery of two sports memorabilia dealers.

Prosecutors increased to 12 the number of charges against Simpson, Clarence Stewart, Michael McClinton and Charles Ehrlich."

Courtesy of the AP

At least there is evidence that Kevin Millar isn't the stupidest man in America. The Throne is amazed that past incidents didn't at least pass through OJ's mind before he gathered his posse and tried to steal back some of his memorabilia from a hotel room in Las Vegas. Las Vegas seems like an odd place to go searching for the real killer.

Hopefully this will be the last time we hear from OJ, until he pulls another shithead move such as trying to kick a police officer's foot in a men's room or bring a liquid onto a plane.

Theres only one OJtober.

Now you can break the ties that bind

Well folks, welcome back to the Throne. It seems like the focus of the blog so far has been traitors and the Boston Red Sox. Turns out the more things change, the more they stay the same.

From CNN.Com:

NN) — It may be politically popular in the heart of Red Sox Nation, but that probably didn’t make the admission any easier for Yankee fan Rudy Giuliani.

The former New York City mayor acknowledged at a Boston news conference Tuesday he is rooting for the rival Red Sox to win the World Series.

“I’m not saying that just because I’m here in Massachusetts,” the Republican presidential candidate said to applause and laughs. “If I’m in Colorado in the next week or two, you will see I will have the courage to tell the people of Colorado the same thing.”

All I can say is wow. This is going to anger more people then his abortion stance. Apparently since the Sox and Yankees play in the same division he feels like he is still obligated to root for them.

No word yet if he plans on voting for Hillary Clinton just because she lives nearby.

In another turn of shocking news, it turns out Tom Tancredo owns an ocean front villa in Mexico.

I was spinnin' 'round a dead dial
Just another lost number in a file
Dancin' down a dark hole
Just searchin' for a world with some soul

This is radio nowhere, is there anybody alive out there?
This is radio nowhere, is there anybody alive out there?
Is there anybody alive out there?


Its a scary world folks. Theres only one October and Frank TV.

Etch gets fired

A source told me that long time Orioles player and employee Andy Etchebarren has been fired as the Aberdeen Ironbirds' manager.

I expect the Sun will run a story in a few days.

Etch played for the Orioles from 1962- 1975.

The Ironbirds went 34-42 in 2007.

You heard it at the throne first.

Can you smell what the Crock is cookin?

Good People:

Time for part 2 of our around the clock coverage of Kevin MillarGate. It turns out Kevindict MillArnold actually had team permission for his stunt the other night from none other then the Ayatollah of Asbestos, Peter G Angelos.


According to the Baltimore Sun:

"Millar was surprised and a little amused yesterday by the attention. He said he was hesitant to take part in Sunday's pre-game events but changed his mind after learning Red Sox president Larry Lucchino had contacted MacPhail and Orioles owner Peter Angelos to ask permission and got no objections"



Thats right. Can you believe that shit? Peter Angelos personally approved Kevin Millar's request to become a nationally known jackass. It figures. He probably think the Red Sox are home team at Camden Yards anyway, since they bring so many fans with them. The Throne was as horrified by this news as the time the Undertaker realized his wife had hired Chris Benoit to babysit their kids.

Well thats all for tonight folks..................................., wait, this just in:

In other news it turns out Falcons owner Arthur Blank was the man responsible for providing Michael Vick with his killing dogs. This just in, the White Bronco that OJ used to roll in back in '95 was rented with Paul Tagliabue's credit card.


When will it ever end? Peter G Angelos: Breaking the heart of Oriole fans 10 years running.

They are who we thought they aren't

Tomorrow as you all know, (unless you haven't been watching Dane Cook, in which case, way to not be a trendy bastard), is the start of the 103rd World Series. To mark this water shed moment, I thought I'd take a look today at Colorado Rockies. Tomorrow for the AM post, I'll examine the Boston Millars.

Jeff Francis
Matt Herges
Manny Corpas
Josh Fogg
Brian Fuentes

Who the hell are these people? (A) A list of characters killed off Lost last season, when a lot of crazy shit happened. (B) People caught on NBC's 'To Catch a Predator" with Chris Hansen. (C) List of pitchers who have won playoff games for the Rockies this post-season.

If you guessed A, nice try. Although, at this point the smoke monster is way more famous then any of these guys ever will be.

If you guessed B, again nice try. None of these guys fit that bill, but eyes should be kept on Joe Buck at all times.

Finally Guess C. You are correct, you get to go past Go. Yep, these are the 5 people who won playoff games for the Rockies this post-season. This is just a group of hard working guys who combined make as much as Roger Clemens' personal trainer. Corpas, Fuentes, Herges and a cast of a thousand AL misfits make up the Rockies' pen. After watching him with the Orioles, whoever thought LaTroy Hawkins would still be pitching in key spots for a playoff contender? At this point, I thought he'd be playing for the Hiroshima Whale Killers.

Jeff Francis, Fogg, Ubaldo Jimenez and Franklin Morales make up the Rocks' rotation. If that doesn't put the fear of God in Sox fans, I don't know what will, except for Eric HgHane.

Now to the position players. We have Matt Holliday, who may be the NL's MVP this year, although Fox Sports Net Mountain High doesn't quite reach the East Coast, so chances are Jimmy Rollins will win the award for the Fightins'.

Todd Helton, the Rockies lonnnnnnnng time 1st baseman used to back up Peyton Manning in college. Thats all the media chooses to tell us about him and Seth Smith, the pinch hitter extraordinare who used to back up Eli at Old Miss. I'd take either of those guys over McNabb right now.

Beyond those three, I'm not really too familiar with any of the other position players, so I'll just pull a McCarver and tell you that they all play their positions when its time for defense and hit when its time for offense.

So, there it is. We'll talk about the Boston Red Sox tomorrow and try to not get a restraining order from Kevin Millar.

Theres only one October. and only one World Series. and only one Lord Elevation's throne.

New Owner found for Ellen's dog.

I'm sure by now, you've all heard the tragic tale of Iggy DeGenres. If you aren't up to speed on the situation, click the video above. However, the crack staff at Lord Elevation's throne have discovered the identity of the dog's new owner.

Its this man:
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You were a good dog Iggy.

Now entering the game...........

Well gang. Its finally here. Lord Elevation's pithy blog.

I plan on posting here until OJ Simpson steals my laptop.

Lets get right into it with the issue that is bugging the shit out of me today:

Last night the Boston Red Sox completed their comeback against the Indians by beating them at home to win the series 4-3. The Cultural Icon pitched a great game. The Cheaper Cultural Icon pitched well, as did Jon Papelbon, the best dancing closer in baseball.

However, down in Baltimore, the pitcher who got the most attention was the Orioles own Kevin Millar. Kevin, in case you forgot, used to play for the Red Sox, until they dropped his worthless ass on the street. Sure enough, one man's trash is another man's treasure, and a few weeks after he was let go, the Orioles came crawling towards him like a starving African crawls to Bono. Despite playing for the Orioles, it seems like Kevin has never left Boston.

Never before have I seen a current player for one franchise come back to another franchise and do something like throw out the first pitch. Its a complete slap in the face to all Oriole fans. Its a a horrible thing to do. Imagine TO doing the opening coin flip at an Eagles game. Imagine Bill Clinton going back to Air Force One to get a BJ from a stewardess for old times sake. Imagine Dane Cook doing a commercial that advertises how great September was. Its bullshit. What the hells up with that shirt anyway? Looks like something Jon Bon Jovi would wear.

Honestly, I'm so pissed right now. I have to go powerlift at Paul Byrd's to work off this stress.

Cheers.