He still isn't old enough to play first base for the Orioles

(Picture of Ralph Nader announcing his candidacy in 2020)


Happy March everybody. I hope the Leap Year didn't make you too mixed up.

The Orioles started playing Spring Training games the other day. With that brought on our annual "Promising Oriole pitcher with a mysterious injury in March" announcement that I know we've all been waiting for.
Thats right, Troy "Old Blood and Guts" Patton has come down with a shoulder injury that he has been suffering from for the last 4 months. This is great for the O's, since they traded for him THREE months ago. Peter Angelos makes his players go through a day long physical before they join the team. So they can afford to do a colonoscopy, but can't bother too look at a guys shoulder that happen to be torn?

This spring also brought us another almost annual disappointing announcement. Ralph Nader will be running for President for a 4th time in 2008! America's favorite 74 year old pest.
He thinks America may finally be crazy enough for a liberal presidency. Seat belts on planes weren't enough, he wants to be your next leader of the free world!
I think he has finally gone senile though. According to this interview with the Village Voice, one of his campaign promises is impeaching George Bush and Dick Cheney.

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Village Voice: Do you still think impeachment is worth pursuing?

Ralph: Of course. We have two outlaws in the White House, recidivists, who have committed more impeachable offenses, regularly and daily, than any presidency in history. And they get away with it. It’s such an upside-down world. These guys have violated the FISA Act repeatedly, surveillance without a judicial warrant, that’s a felony. That’s a five-year maximum jail term. They do it regularly. Now they want to change the law so they can get away with it. The systemic torture, the violation of federal law as well as the Geneva Convention, a criminal, unconstitutional war in Iraq. We’ve got arrests of thousands of people without charges, throwing them in jail without lawyer. In the U.S., we’re talking about. And yet Chairman Rep. John Conyers of the House Judiciary Committee refuses to even have a hearing, never mind an impeachment inquiry. And that’s where we’re at. We’re basically on the way to demonstrating that presidents can systemically violate the constitution and the laws of the land an get away with it

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Um, "Earth to Ralph!" You do realize that Bush and Cheney won't be in power anymore after this election, right? Making one of your campaign pledges that Bush and Cheney will be out of office is the equivalent of promising on New Year's Eve 2008 that the next day will be 2009. Its going to happen already. Get that hanging chad out of your brain.

I wouldn't mind seeing him vs Dennis Kucinich in an over the top battle royale for sanity at WrestleMania. (Love how it all ties together)

Okay everyone, keep on rockin'!

Its all about the Game and how you play it.

Hello y'all. Its an alright time in sports. NASCAR is back. The NBA and NCAA hoops seasons are starting to heat up. Spring Training is beginning and of course Roger Clemens is being investigated by the government for perjury.

Yes, this is the same Federal government that is dealing with sky rocketing gas prices, a war on terror, and a coming recession. You go FBI! You nail that 45 year old ex-pitcher and his moron trainer. You're making America safer.

Clearly however, the most important sports event in America is fast approaching. No not the Superbowl, March Madness, or the World Series. Nope I'm talking about the Grandaddy of them all WrestleMania!

Thats right folks, its going to be huge, and unlike the Orioles this year, you don't know whats going to happen. Michaels-Flair, Undertaker-Edge, Cena, Triple H, and Orton in a three way dance. And for the celebrity involvement, Floyd "Money" Mayweather taking on The Big Show.

Thats right the 5-5 145 pound Mayweather will be taking on the 7-0 360 pound Big Show. Hell I'd take on a giant to in order to get paid 20 million. He better start juicing now.

Its going to be at the Citrus Bowl in Orlando with 80,000 people in attendance. The cheers will be louder, the pyro bigger, and the juice syringes bigger.

Best of all, Roger Clemens and Brian McNamee will be having an amnesty on a pole match.

Well thats all I have for now. I'll stop dreaming and look at real sports for the next few posts.
Hmm guys fighting or watching the Orioles lose 95 games. Thats a real tough choice.

Congress dealing with clearly the most important issue facing the county.

For the 68th straight day Roger Clemens and his arch nemesis Reality, I mean Brian McNamee continued on their horse and pony show through Congress. Can anyone explain to me why Congress had to step in and completely rehash the whole steroids issue? I thought that was done back when Raffy and the gang were before Congress. People got yelled at. Changes were made. The issue was solved.

Now we have this? A 68 year old pitcher running around government buildings trying to reverse what his former hired help is saying about him? This isn't advancing the cause of getting rid of performance enhancing drugs. All this is doing is wasting tax payer's money and the time of Congressmen who should be trying to figure out how to secure our borders and keep the dollar from becoming worthless, not worrying about if a former player used drugs 8 years ago. Clemens went from a fat guy with three chins by the end of his Boston career to looking like Brock Lesnar overnight with Toronto. "Gee, I wonder how that happened?" Everyone was doing it then. Its time to close the door on that era and stop opening it up.

This stupid, irrelevant steroid investigation is taking longer to finish then the Erik Bedard trade.
That thing has been going on since the Reagan administration. Bedard will be as old as Clemens by the time he ever actually throws a pitch for the Mariners. I can't wait for the baseball games to actually begin. I miss my Frank TV ads.

Take it easy everyone. Remember, if someone wants to inject, you must reject.

Romney drops out. Expected to change mind in 2 days

Well folks the political process has sure became alot clearer on the Right side of things since I've been gone. Away with my boy Tancredo. Away with Thompson. Away with Rudy. and now away with Mitt.

Huckabee will be soon to follow since he has been running for Vice President all along. Paul will probably running as 4th party candidate after Bloomberg, so expect some more money bombs to go off for him.

So it looks like its going to be Mr. Straight Talk himself John McCain, as the next Republican nominee. I hear Mayflower Moving and Storage will be relocating to Mexico just to get a jump on business since border hopping is about to pick up no matter if Mac or Obamaillary get elected.

McCain will be 72 years old by the time inauguration rolls around. Being elected President was the 8th item on his bucket list. Even his 92 year old mother thinks McCain is old as hell. Don Rickles will probably be the main entertainment at the convention. It came down to him or Garrison Keillor.

But its going to be a fun race. Seems like the Democrats will never decide a winner. Obama and Billary are neck and neck. However, Obama does have a huge fund raising edge. Hillary even had to ask Mitt Romney for money, it got so bad.

How about that Super Bowl, huh?

I'd like to introduce you to our newest Throne contributor: Mr Bill Belichick. He is going to be writing the final paragraph for us.

Well it was a tough game. They made plays. We didn't. Hopefully next year..........................


Hey, what the hell Bill? You can't just walk off the blog before the paragraph is over! Show a little class. I guess I'll have to wrap it up myself. Its a pleasure to be back y'all. feel free to comment to your heart's content.

Theres only one Lord Elevation's Throne.

This pisses me off

Well folks heeeeeeeeeeees back.

Just when you thought the Throne was dead, I am back to rock your world again. The Throne will revitalize you, re-energize you, re-sexualize you, and re-Americanize you.

Its time to get back to work.

The major sports story over the past 48 hours has to be the fact David Cutliffe was named the new football coach at Duke University. It has eclipsed all other sports coverage on ESPN.

Oh wait. Whats that?

My bad.

Our lives have been rocked upside down and shaken with the new Mitchell Report.
I haven't seen this much bullshit thrown together since Al Gore was give the Noble prize for fucking with bald eagles or some other environmentally conscious thing.

I'm not going to add on to it. We all know the names included whether they should have been or not.

But I would like to add this thing I found on page 189

"According to Don Fehr, the whole investigation was delayed for over two years because Bud Selig wouldn't stop drinking the all the urine samples".

Fehr's word was the only corroborating evidence, so it was included, since that was the most solid thing they had.

More to come later!

Have a good day y'all.

Theres only one December. Damn that feels good to say.l

Season Finale

Alright Gang. Thats the end of Season 1 of Lord Elevation's Throne.

You'll be hearing from me again.

There may be a God

Hello Elevation Nation. Time for a little political knowledge that you can use to show off to all your stupid friends at work or school.

It sounds like Billary Clinton has been having a rough little go of it lately on the campaign trail.
Her poll lead over Barack Obama has slipped a little after her Brian Billickesque debate performance around Halloween where she managed to go the whole debate without giving a solid answer to anything. I guess "Unclear" is the new "lockbox".

Another dent in Hillary's armor could be coming from this story that the morons who actually go to her townhall meetings are actually just asking questions staffers came up with for them:

We'll jump in mid-flight with this NY Times article:

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"At two campaign events in Iowa this year, aides to Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton encouraged audience members to ask her specific questions, a tactic that drew criticism from an opponent for the Democratic presidential nomination and led her yesterday to promise that it would not happen again."

"The practice came to light late last week when a student at Grinnell College in Iowa, Muriel Gallo-Chasanoff, told her campus newspaper that a Clinton aide had asked her to pose a question to Mrs. Clinton about global warming.

The request came during an event Tuesday in Newton, Iowa, where Mrs. Clinton outlined her plan to create five million jobs in renewable energy sectors.

In a question-and-answer session with the audience, Mrs. Clinton called on several people with raised hands; some of them asked friendly questions about policy, and one man pressed her on trade issues.

At one point Mrs. Clinton called on Ms. Gallo-Chasanoff, who asked for the senator’s ideas for combating global warming.

Ms. Gallo-Chasanoff did not return phone messages over the weekend seeking comment. But the Grinnell College newspaper reported her as saying that the Clinton aide told her the campaign wanted a question from a college student, and that campaign staff members had prompted Mrs. Clinton to call on him."

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Busted! For full disclosure, I think its important for Throne readers to know that the crazy guy who insults me after every post is actually planted there by my staff.

I promise you that production on the Throne, all though it has been lacking in recent days is not suffering because of the writer's strike. The horrible quality in the Throne has been a result of a labor strike by my brain.

RIP Steve McNair 2006-2007

I know we have some Baltimore readers out there, so this ones for you. (Stalker feel free to chime in also)

Well folks, it looks like Steve McNair's career as a Ravens will be coming to and end soon. In his last two games. Big Steven is 30 for 48 with 191 yards and no TDs in the last two games. Hos average passes are shorter then this column.

It looks like the Circle of Life has come around and former Baltimore whipping boy Kyle Boller will be back in at QB.

Three years ago Boller was being modeled into effigies, and now he is supposed to be the savior.

Boller being asked to save the Ravens is the equivalent of OJ Simpson being elected sheriff in Los Angeles.

I can't wait to hear Billick try and spin this one. He went to the "Mike Flanagan School for Giving Bullshit Answers to the Media." My God, he gives more nonsense answers to interviews then Ultimate Warrior.

Q. So, Brian, whats your gameplan for next game?

A. "How must I prepare you must ask yourself. Should I jump off the tallest building in the world? Should I lay on the lawn and let it run over me with lawnmowers? Should I go to Africa and let it trample me with raging elephants?"

Thanks Ultimate Billick!